Feeling behind is common—but it rarely reflects our ability. This blog exploreshow context, life experience, and systemic factors shape our paths, and offers toolsto help you thrive sustainably, with self-trust and presence at the center.
Naming the Thought No One Says Out Loud
You may be saying—or have said—to yourself:“I should be further along by now,” or “Everyone else seems ahead.”I’ve had those same thoughts, especially as an active duty service member, nowVeteran, a caregiver, and a woman of color who held senior military leadershiproles and is now transitioning into civilian life—what Veterans often joke about as“trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.”
These thoughts don’t mean you’ve failed. They mean you’ve been carrying a lot. And when you’ve been carrying responsibility, leadership, caregiving, or survivalfor years, progress doesn’t always look fast—but it does look intentional.
Why So Many Capable People Feel Behind
If this sense of being “behind” feels familiar, it’s not a personal flaw—it oftenreflects the nonlinear paths many of us have taken.
Members of Generation X (born 1965–1980) and Millennials (born 1981–1996/2000) increasingly follow nonlinear life and career trajectories. Like me,some joined the military straight out of high school—I enlisted in the Navy inDecember 1994. Others went to college, built careers, and later realized theywanted something different.
Many have returned to school later in life—myself included. At 50 years old, I’mcurrently in a graduate program at Howard University pursuing Social Work. At thesame time, many are balancing careers while caring for aging parents, supportingfamilies, and navigating major life transitions.Your timeline may look different, but different doesn’t mean deficient.
For women of color in leadership roles, Veterans, and caregivers, racism, sexism,and systemic exclusion don’t slow progress because of a lack of ability—theyinterrupt it.
A Somatic Reflection
When your timeline is interrupted—by responsibility, service, or survival—yourbody often carries that history, too.
Do you notice tight shoulders, shallow breathing, chronic fatigue, or a sense ofalways needing to “catch up”? These are not signs of laziness or failure; they’resignals from a nervous system that has learned to stay alert, prepared, andproductive over time.
If you’ve spent years leading, caregiving, or navigating systems that weren’t builtwith you in mind, your body may still be operating in protection mode. Slowingdown can feel uncomfortable—not because it’s wrong, but because it’s unfamiliar.
Building something sustainable often starts not by pushing harder, but bynoticing what your body needs this season: more rest, more regulation, or simplypermission to move at your own pace.
Rest assured, regulation doesn’t require more effort—just a moment ofattention.
1-Minute Somatic Reset:
Hand-Tracing Breath:
- Place one hand in front of you.
- With the index finger of your other hand, slowly trace up a finger as youinhale and down as you exhale.
- Move across all five fingers—or stop sooner if your body feels settled.
- Notice: Did anything soften or slow?
Action: Put this somatic reset in your “toolbox” if you found it useful.A
Different Way to Measure Success
We’ve already named the myth: the idea that success follows a neat, linear pathsimply isn’t true. Many of us have taken nonlinear paths in both our personal andprofessional lives. Traditional markers—earning degrees, climbing the ladder, getting married, havingchildren, or buying a home—don’t reflect the full complexity of real lives.
I want to offer alternative markers that honor nonlinear growth: self-trust,emotional regulation, the ability to say “no” without guilt, and showing upimperfectly but consistently. The challenge is that these skills are often measured by linear standards. They can be dismissed as “soft” or misinterpreted as weaknesses—yet they requirediscernment, resilience, and deep self-awareness.
Even on nonlinear paths, many of us are still expected to perform perfectly—toalways say yes, suppress emotion, and keep moving without pause. But sustainability isn’t built through constant compliance or emotional silence; it’s built through capacity, boundaries, and alignment.
If your growth looks quieter, slower, or less visible, it doesn’t make it less real. Sustainable success often looks different from rushed success.
Personal Grounding
My perspective on nonlinear success comes from experiences that live as much inmy body as in my resume: military service, leadership in spaces where diversitywas limited, family life, caregiving, and an intentional return to graduate schoollater in life. Each chapter required me to listen closely to my capacity, pace, andlimits.
Over time, I’ve learned that sustainability isn’t about always pushing through—it’sabout honoring what allows me to stay present, regulated, and engaged for the longhaul.
Normalize Where You Are
You’re not behind—you’re building something sustainable. When success ismeasured by regulation, self-trust, and capacity rather than speed or visibility, your timeline naturally shifts.Your path has asked something specific of you, and that context matters. If your progress feels slower or faster right now, it may be because you’re honoring what allows you to keep going. And that is a meaningful form of success.
What You’ll Find Here
This blog offers space for conversations about work, identity, leadership,transitions, and care, especially in seasons that don’t fit neatly into a timeline. You’ll find grounded tools and reflections to support thriving without self-erasure.
New posts will be shared weekly.
Larae is a social work intern at Inner Coach Counseling, LLC, and provide client support under supervision for individuals navigating these themes, using an anti-oppressive, trauma-informed approach that emphasizes sustainability rather than urgency. If you or someone you know is interested in booking a session with Larae and want to learn more click here https://innercoachhypnotherapy.com/staff/larae-baker-clinical-intern
For sustainable growth in life, work, and self.