Recently, during a clinical supervision meeting with the therapists I supervise, we found ourselves discussing a phrase that has become increasingly common on social media: "crashing out."
Depending on who is using the term, "crashing out" often describes someone reaching their emotional breaking point: lashing out, acting impulsively, making regrettable decisions, or becoming so overwhelmed that they seem to lose their ability to cope effectively.
Our conversation naturally turned toward emotional regulation, coping skills, and the importance of creating space before reacting. We talked about healthy ways people can interrupt escalation like taking a walk, practicing deep breathing, using grounding techniques, or even allowing themselves what I jokingly called a "five-minute pity party" before choosing how they wanted to respond.
Then someone posed a question that shifted the entire discussion.
One of my supervisees observed that what we often describe as an adult "crashing out" can sometimes resemble a young child's tantrum.
Anyone who has spent time with children knows that many tantrums are not simply about defiance. Sometimes they happen because a child is overtired, overstimulated, hungry, or emotionally overwhelmed. The child has a biological need but lacks both the language and the emotional development to identify and communicate it.
The child isn't thinking, "My nervous system is overwhelmed. I need restorative sleep, reduced stimulation, and emotional co-regulation."The child simply cries, yells, withdraws, or melts down.
That observation led me to wonder whether some adults experience something similar.
Not because adults and children are emotionally equivalent, but because our biology has not disappeared simply with age. Adults can also become chronically sleep-deprived, emotionally overloaded, overstimulated, burned out, and disconnected from their own physical needs.
The difference is that we generally have more developed cognitive abilities and a broader range of choices for how we respond. Yet even then, chronic stress and exhaustion can narrow our window of tolerance, making thoughtful responses more difficult.
This isn't to excuse harmful behavior or remove personal responsibility. Adults remain accountable for how they treat others and for repairing harm when it occurs.
However, accountability and understanding are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes what appears to be an "anger problem," an "attitude problem," or someone "crashing out" may also invite a deeper question:
What has this person's nervous system been carrying for so long that it can no longer compensate?
What unmet biological, emotional, relational, or social needs have accumulated beneath the surface?
What if, before assuming someone simply needs more discipline or self-control, we also considered whether they have had adequate opportunities for restoration?
That conversation became the inspiration for this article.
As a therapist, I believe emotional regulation involves far more than learning coping skills. Those skills are valuable, but they are only part of the picture. We must also pay attention to the conditions that support regulation in the first place, including adequate sleep, meaningful connection, safety, joy, and rest.
Sometimes the most compassionate and clinically important question isn't, "What's wrong with you?"
It's, "What has your mind, body, and nervous system been trying to tell you?"
If you're interested in exploring the relationship between rest, healing, justice, and liberation, these books provide thoughtful perspectives.
Books We Recommend
Permission to Feel
Vagus Nerve Deck: 75 Exercises to Reset Your Nervous System
Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto
The Nap Ministry's Rest Deck: 50 Practices to Resist Grind Culture
We Will Rest!: The Art of Escape (Rest Is Resistance, Book 2)
Rest Is Resistance: Free Yourself from Grind Culture and Reclaim Your Life
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good
At Inner Coach Counseling, we believe sustainable wellness is built not only through resilience, but through restoration. Because healing isn't simply about surviving; it is about creating the conditions that allow you to truly live.
If you want to connect with a therapist, we are ready to support your healing journey.
Contact us here: https://innercoachhypnotherapy.com/appointment-request
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